RESPONSE FROM EVAN:

Erections can come and go without regard to men's emotions. I don't consider the getting of an erection as any problem, threat, or reason for concern. What I find worth looking into is the fact that he is denying it.

For many men, including myself, the penis can become erect without regard to anything else – in crude terms, we all deal with times when "Mr. Happy" pops up. If I am lying on my stomach and moving certain ways, wrestling, holding my child on my lap or other activity that stimulates the penis it can, sometimes, become semi- or fully erect. In my case, it becomes uncomfortable so I usually move or take a break or something else to stop the physical stimulation and then it goes away.

Men will do several things when faced with this issue from "adjusting" to excusing himself from the room to allow time in private to let it subside, to simply changing his position to take the stimulus away.

If the husband in this case is denying it because he himself is uncomfortable with the topic or feels shame because it is happening, it may help to assure him that most of us have the same issue and it is no big deal (crudely spoken, you may not want to say it that way…). The penis doesn't distinguish stimulation when a child is sitting on it from an appropriate sexual experience – only we do.

As a final note, let me state that I trust from the way the question was posed that the woman feels generally comfortable with the situation but is curious and wanting to allay her fears. I would feel remiss if I didn't add that since there is always the possibility that something inappropriate may be in beginning stages, it would be wise to muster up the courage to address this issue forthrightly and without judgment so that, if there is something unhealthy developing, the parents can stop it before the child gets hurt.

The man will feel a lot less ashamed about the feelings he may be having than if the couple allows themselves to let it develop into behavior rather than just feelings. We need not be ashamed about our feelings, only we ought to have the courage and the maturity to address them and be responsible of them.

RESPONSE FROM GREG:

Thanks for writing, though your question took me by surprise, and I feel somewhat unqualified to address it. Nevertheless, I will throw in my two cents.

First off, I certainly don't think it's natural or healthy to have sexual feelings towards one's six-month-old daughter. However, I don't think that you can assume that this is the case based soley on the occassional erection.

Erections are like cats--they appear when THEY feel like it and they don't always come when they are called. Although you've likely never paid much attention, your husband probably gets erections at other times that aren't particularly sexual. If he got an erection while mowing the lawn, for example, it wouldn't mean he had feelings for the lawnmower.

As a man, you begin to ignore erections (unless you are feeling amorous) because they come and go so frequently, so it is enirely possible that the husband has no idea they are occurring...thus his denial.

This type of contact with his daughter (kissing her on the tummy, etc.) is certainly innocent enough behavior, so I see no reason to assume the worst unless there are some other activities that indicate a problem.

However...if the wife has a genuine concern, it might be there for a reason, in which case I would suggest that she speak to someone more qualified about this. I would suggest talking with a child psychologist about her concerns. He/she could probably tell her what signs to look for...just to be on the safe side.

It's really a Catch-22 situation. You certainly don't want to falsely accuse your husband of sexual deviancy with his own daughter. Yet you can't allow your daughter to be assaulted.

In closing I would like to note that I am fairly certain that this is the most times I've ever used the word "erection" in one piece of writing.