A: From Greg 
Well, there are actually a number of issues here. 

First, I believe that--for newborns--the advice you have been given about bottles is pretty sound.   From what I understand, some babies get "lazy" if they are fed from bottles, which don't require them to suck very hard. As a result, they don't adapt well to breastfeeding, which requires a stronger suck.  This makes sense to me. 

I'm not sure if the same is true of pacifiers.  My daughter, Cara, used a pacifier pretty early, and she nursed like a champ.  Cara was big on comfort nursing for hours while she slept.  Sometimes Lori would switch Cara to a pacifier after she had nursed herself to sleep just so she could put Cara down for awhile.  However, I am told that some babies get confused 
(and, as was the case with my son, annoyed) when you switch nipples on them this way.  It won't be hard to figure out which way your baby leans in this regard; Travis would shoot us the dirtiest looks you have ever seen from a two-week-old when we tried to slip him a pacifier. 

On the other hand, once mother and child have things going smoothly in the breast-feeding department, say after six weeks or so, you might want to give the bottle a whirl.  Cara started drinking pumped breast milk out of a bottle at around seven weeks because Lori had to go back to work.  She took to it very well--though she sucked so hard she'd drain the bottle in about 30 seconds. Happily, she had no trouble going back to nursing (which she clearly preferred) when mommy got home from work.  Her willingness to feed both ways certainly made life easier for me as a stay-at-home dad, as I had neither the ability nor desire to lactate. 

Some babies, however, will not make the transition to bottles.  Travis never did (though we admittedly didn't push him too strongly).  This does make it harder for me when Lori goes out for more than a few hours without him.  If he gets hungry enough, he will drink a little bit out of a cup, but even now Lori has to schedule things so that she will not be away from 
him for more than four or five hours. 

An entirely different issue here, though, is the father's role in the care of the baby.  The quick response, which you've probably already heard, is that there are other things you can do with your baby besides feeding, such as bathing, burping, diapering, playing, carrying, etc.  This is obviously true.  However, I assume that you wouldn't have asked the question unless 
you were really looking forward to feeding the baby and are feeling genuinely short-changed--which, in some ways, you are. 

Welcome to parenthood.  You are embarking down a long voyage of compromise and sacrifice, and you might as well get used to it.  What you always need to keep at the front of you mind is that--especially in the very early weeks--the child's interests supercede yours. 

The good news is that the sacrifice is worth it a thousand times over, and that your child is not going to love you any less because you never gave him/her a bottle.  Don't fret; you'll get your share of bonding moments. Somebody's got to teach the kid how to finger-paint, ride a bike, make a snowman, lay down a drag bunt, drive a car... 
 

A: From Evan 

I won't even begin to respond to the advice you've been given to not give bottles and pacifiers...I'm no professional and I don't know the circumstances surrounding you and your child (age, health, etc.). But I will respond to your desire to participate in the care of your baby. 

Feeding your baby is just (and only) one way you can attach to your baby. I spent a lot of time carrying my children when they were awake but not nursing. In fact, with my youngest, who was a bit colicky, I shared duty with my wife bouncing and rocking him in a sling in the bathroom with the shower on (!) -- the only way he would settle down. 

For quieter times, I played with them, spoke and sang to them and changed their diapers (sometimes). 

The important thing I learned, and it took me awhile, is that fatherhood is the first state-of-being where I cannot bring my selfishness with me. Of course I shouldn't bring my selfishness into my marriage either but if I do, my wife is a "big girl" and can take of herself when I'm acting like an idiot. 

My children have no defense, certainly not in the beginning, so I must check my motives at the door. Do I want to participate for them or me? It should be both, with a careful leaning towards doing what is in their best interest rather than what I want. For me, I have decided to put down my expectations of caring for my infants as the primary person. As long as my 
wife is able and willing to nurse, I recognize that the bond she will make with our babies through nursing goes beyond the superiority of breastmilk. It's ultimately better for all of us - for our physical, mental and spiritual health. 

As Mick Jagger says, you can't always get what you want. On the other hand, the more I realize how good the nursing relationship is for my children, my wife, and me, the less I want to get in there and disrupt it. 

I have quite literally turned my attention to other ways I can express my joy and excitement at being a father. 

One final note: I used to get jealous of my wife, watching her nurse our babies. I also used to get angry with my children for "stealing" my wife. Both of those feelings have passed with time. Though I didn't initially like it, I realized that it was my responsibility to define my own fatherhood...what will yours be?