A: From Greg 
Quite frankly, I had no idea what "attachment parenting" was--or that there were labels for different parenting strategies for that matter--until my dear wife, Lori, informed me if its existence shortly after our daughter, Cara, was born. Lori was pretty gung-ho on the idea, so I listened intently as she described how the parent becomes the attachment object for the child, and the child gains confidence, secure in the knowledge that the parent will always be there.  I nodded along, appreciating the simple logic of the plan.  Then she began to tell me about the family bed and nursing toddlers, and, I must confess, I got a little nervous… especially about the family bed. Still, I liked the idea of attachment parenting: responding to my daughter's needs, as opposed to "letting her cry it out."  In my gut I knew I could never let her cry alone in the other room while I pretended not to hear her, or go in and watch her cry and not pick her up. And, as I soon discovered, family bed meant NOT having to wake up to fetch Cara from the 
cradle so Lori could nurse her (sure, I had some 2:00 a.m. diapers, but my sleep interruptions were cut in half).  Besides, Cara seemed to sleep better with us.  And so it went… 

Cara is now four and sleeping in her own bed.  She voluntarily left when our son, Travis, was born last year.  I still lay down with her most nights until she falls asleep, but she is generally very good about going to bed even when I'm not there.  Travis is still in bed with us, and, I suspect, will be for a while. My lone piece of advice for family bedders is to bite the bullet and get a king-sized bed if you can afford it.  We side-carred a crib with our full-sized bed for quite a while with Cara, which worked pretty well, but it would still frequently be the three of us crammed into the bed until she dozed off and could be gingerly moved into the crib, which some nights delayed sleep for quite a while. I like to have my own space while I'm sleeping, and king-sized beds are HUGE...I'm talking really big.  I am certain it is the closest I will ever get to owning my own island. In our king-sized bed, my wife can be on one side nursing Travis, and, if I wish, I can be on the far side working on some Z's.  Or else I can cuddle up to the two of them until Lori has nursed him down and the two of us can scoot back over to the other side of the bed for some smooching and whatnot. 

Speaking of whatnot, an added advantage of the family bed is you become very attuned to your child's sleep habits, and you know exactly when your little one went to sleep, so you can best avoid ill-timed interruptions. I have to admit, I understand some of the initial negativity some dads may express towards the family bed, but my family has been pretty happy with it. 

 A: From Evan 
We didn't do the family bed right away with our first child. We spent the first year dealing with the nightmare of going down the hall to his crib to get him when he woke up. At first, Amy and I switched off who had to get him. But Amy ended up doing all of the work or listening for and getting him because he required to be sitting up anyway (why have me bring him to bed when she has to get up anyway?). 

So, as you may realize, once we started using the family bed, I was very relieved for Amy and for myself. The only challenge was when our second child was born. For a while, we had two kids in bed and, for whatever reason, we had a make shift bed -- two futons, a queen and a twin, pushed together -- and it was awkward for me. Benjamin has since moved out and sleeps in his own room. 

The funny thing about family beds is that when men say they are uncomfortable with it, I have observed that they are mainly referring to the fear of how it will effect their "whoopie." Once in a while someone says they are afraid of crushing the baby but, come on, who's going to just sleep through that ordeal. 

In the immediate picture, your intimate relationship with your wife/SO can be defined by many factors. Use your noggin and figure out ways that work for you to have that time. Other than that reason for your concern, almost every other aspect of the family bed will improve (greatly) your experience of infancy -- less time dealing with unhappy baby, more sleep, better feelings about yourself as a mindful nurturer, less confusion about "what am I supposed to do," etc., etc. 

In the big picture, I have always tried to view the family bed as part of a continuum of choices about my parenting style. I choose to be in harmony with what seems to be our nature as human beings. Part of that nature is to hold our babies, both at waking and sleeping times. 

An endnote: Last night I was the last person up. I was watching Night Line and their story about a Kosovar family having to leave their village and become refugees. When it was over I was feeling overwhelmed with gratitude and sadness and because I am used to a family bed, felt comfortable enough to lift my sleeping 4-year-old boy from his bed and bring him into our bed so that I could have my whole family with me. It felt like I was protecting them as we slept with me closest to the door. I don't know what to make of it, but for whatever reason, I take great comfort and feel very purposeful in moments like that.