Barbie


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What about Barbie?  It is perhaps the single most heinous reflection of sexism in childhood. But my daughter loves her, and I strongly believe that her creative play is her business, so what can I do? 

A:
Ahh, Barbie.  The bane of many a feminist mother's existance.  To tell you the truth, I don't have any brilliant advice but I can tell you how other feminist mommies I know have handled it. 

The Lecture and Desist Method 
This is when mom sits down her daughter (or son as it may be) and explains exactly what the problem is with Barbie and why she isn't welcome at their house.  She may have her child help write letters to friends and family explaining the No Barbie policy and they may pick out some Barbie alternatives together (simple dollhouse dolls, for example).  So far it's worked for my pal from Portland, but then her daughter is only four years old. 

The Grrrl Power Method 
Some moms decide to take back Barbie and make her their own.  They like to point out that the woman who invented Barbie did so because she felt like little girls should be allowed to imagine themselves as women.  These are the women who, when they were little girls, had Barbies and liked to give them crewcuts.  As adults they enjoy wacky clothes, extreme hair, and get a bang out of RuPaul.  As my Grrl Power friend Denise says, "I decided to just lighten up." 

The I-Don't-Like-It-But-It's-Your-Life Method 
This was how my mom handled it when my sister was inclined to a small but intense Barbie fascination and sounds like what you may be doing. Basically, my mother let my sister have and play with Barbie (me, I had Dawn dolls, natch) but she wouldn't join in.  When my sister would bring my mom a Barbie stuffed into a seedy sequinned gown to admire, my mom would say something like, "I don't really like Barbie and here's why."  I can say that my sister did give up Barbies early on but she does have a strange fascination with Fran Drescher's (from The Nanny) wardrobe. 

So how do you begin the Barbie dialogue?  Take your daughter to the toy store (or if that would too overwhelming, get a department store "wish book").  Tell her that you're not going to buy toys, you're going to look at how they sell toys.  Start in the "girl" aisle and take notes.  What does she see?  Lots of pink.  Lots of toy make-up, baby dolls, bottles (blech!) and fancy dress-up clothes.  Show her the packaging, how the girls are looking starry-eyed at their toys, how most are white (unless the doll is specifically of color), have blue eyes and blond hair.  Now head over to the "boy" aisle.  Suddenly, the colors have changed to black and dark blue. There are racing cars, trucks, guns and ugly monsters.  The boys on the packages could be related to the girls, but they're active.  They're pushing those cars, pointing those guns.  Now sit down with her somewhere and talk about the expectations that toy companies create for kids.  Tell her that you want her to be author of her own expectations.  Tell her why you think Barbie contributes to the dumbing down of girls.  Now let her know how you've decided to handle Barbie at your house.  Be warned, if your daughter is anything like my sister, she may be too fixated on the rhinestone pumps at the toy store to hear a word you're saying. 

The method that works best for you will depend on how deeply your daughter adores her Barbies and how deeply you despise them. 

Remember, the only thing harder than growing up in a sexist world is raising kids in that sexist world.  Your daughter is ahead of the game -- no matter how you resolve the great Barbie dilemma -- because you're starting this important dialogue early.  Good luck!