Barbie for Boys?
Barbie for Boys?
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Q:
Ok, so little girls and Barbies are a no-no. I can handle that. I always knew how I would raise my daughter a feminist. But now I find out that I am 7 months, carrying a BOY! Should I give him a Barbie doll??? How do we raise our boys to be sensitive, feminist men?" A:
I think the author of The Courage to Raise Good Men makes an important point when she reminds us that our goal is not to raise good men and women so much as it is to raise good people. When we start thinking of our children as people and not just the sum of their genitals, our choices become much easier. So if your belief system is such that you think that people who are children should have the opportunity to play with a Barbie, and if your person who is a child wants a Barbie, then by all means get him one. And if your person who is a child wants a truck, get him one of those, too. When we stop thinking of things as "boy" toys or "girl" toys then we become free to pick the most appropriate toys based on our values, expectations and the taste of our children. Of course, our children are boys or girls and I'm not saying that we should ignore that, I'm just of the belief that it's really not as important as who they are as small human beings. An example: My son (like most toddlers) has an intense fascination with trucks, especially noisy bulldozers and dumptrucks. His grandfather proudly tells me that this is proof that he's "all boy." Sure, maybe, whatever. I don't really care why he likes trucks, I'm just willing to celebrate his love of them. We visit construction sites, point them out while driving and he has a nice collection of toy trucks. He also has several dolls and a kid-sized sling but he's just not that interested in them right now. Is this because he's a boy? I don't know; get me a grant and maybe I'll do a study on it. Meanwhile, I try to give my son opportunities to be whomever he wants to be and then follow his lead when he tells me who that is. (An aside: much to his grandfather's chagrin, my son also enjoys having his fingernails painted by his aunts. Interestingly, my father doesn't see this as a sign of my son being less-than-macho, thus repudiating his "truck" theory, rather he credits it to our liberal approach to parenting.) There are certain "boy" things that I don't allow my son to have: guns and camouflage clothing. I mean, what is up with dressing our children like little mercenaries?! I wouldn't let my girl (should I ever have one) have those either. And I dislike those sports-themed clothing because I want my children to decide what sports or activities they enjoy instead of allowing the fashion police to dictate their preferences to them. So, for me, the toy issue has been a fairly easy and straight-forward one. As to the matter of white, male privilege--well, I'll be tackling that as he grows. I am sure that your son and mine will be sensitive males and that they
will have respect for women because they've been blessed with fabulous,
ensitive, feminist mothers. I mean, here you are doing your feminist
mothering work and your son hasn't even had his original birthday!
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