Advocates Creating Guilt
Advocates Creating Guilt
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After reading so many posts from women who believe breastfeeding advocates are a source of
guilt for mothers who by choice or chance formula feed their babies, I have decided to voice my
opinion on this issue. No one can *make* you feel guilty. Guilt is an emotion that comes from
within when you know you have done something that *you* know is inappropriate. This may be
feeling guilty for not telling the grocery store clerk she gave you too much change, for taking
your baby out of the car seat "just this once," or for not feeding your baby the very best infant
food. If you really believed that what you were doing was the "right" thing, you would not feel
guilty no matter what anyone else said to you.
Sleeping with our babies in this society is not considered normal. My pediatrician frowns upon it, my family thinks my daughter will "never leave" my bed, and I read in "parenting books" that experts say she will be too dependent or never learn to sleep on her own. I *never* feel guilty for having her in bed with me. NEVER. No matter what any "advocate" of crib sleeping says, I will never feel guilty, because I do know that what I am doing IS right for me and my baby. The same is true for parents who formula feed after evaluating their own situation, and deciding that this is the right thing for them. Some babies really do have to have an alternative to breast milk:
All of these are reasons to use alternatives to breast milk, and no one should EVER feel guilty knowing that these babies are receiving their own "best" form of infant nutrition. On the other hand, if you know nothing about the differences between artificial feeding and breastfeeding, or if you DO know the differences, and *choose* to feed your baby formula instead of breast milk, your guilt comes from your own knowledge that breastfeeding is better. Not from "lactonazis" or "militants," but from your own mind. I feel awful whenever I counsel a woman who has no family support, bad medical information, and who seeks help too late. This happens so much in our society. The big difference with these women is that they tried *everything* to be able to give their babies breast milk, and through no fault or *choice* of their own, ended up switching to the alternative. These women are in some respects *better* mothers than the ones who never had a day of nipple soreness, have a huge support system, and breastfeed for 3 years-- because they worked like hell to do the BEST. These women are not the ones feeling guilty, and if they are, they are the moms who will USE that guilt to do it differently next time. There are so many things that we could do better with our children-- especially our firstborns. We are new at our jobs as parents, and are entitled to make errors in judgement. Sometimes we loose our patience and howl right along with the 8 week old in the third hour of colic. Then we feel guilty. This is good, because next time we learn not to loose it. Sometimes we take the baby out of the car seat "just for a minute" and we later hear on the news of the baby who died in the accident. We feel guilty. That is good, because next time we leave the baby in the car seat. We make a lot of mistakes and choices that we would not repeat if given the opportunity, but *no one* else makes us feel the guilt for these things. That is our internal sense of right and wrong, and everyone has his/her own system. If you feel guilty for not breastfeeding, or for choosing to formula feed, then it is because you know in your heart that it was not the right choice for your baby. Don't dwell on it-- USE it! Next time, get the help you need, and do what your heart is telling you is right! |
