Growing All The Time^tm
Information    For    Mindful    Family    Living

The newsletter of Wears The Baby^tm, distributing cool and useful goodies for nurtured children and mindful family life.

Volume 1, Issue 4, February 1998

Inside this issue
Feature Article
– getting it out there
Still Thinking
– book excerpts to consider
Papa
– views on fatherhood
Site Seeing
– cool web sites
Buy, Sell & Barter
– goods ‘n’ services

AND MORE...

by Jan Hunt, M.Sc.

Many homeschooling parents have puzzled over the distinction between "guidance" and "manipulation". As a parent strongly committed to "unschooling" (learner-directed homeschooling) with my son Jason, now 17, I have sometimes wondered if I should encourage certain activities in spite of a lack of interest on his part, or at least remind him of areas he has ignored for a while. I was most likely to wonder about these things after reading about an unusually dedicated child who has excelled in a particular field of activity, such as music. It was at those times that John Holt, through his inspiring books, reminded me that trust is the most essential ingredient of a homeschooling program.

While it is indeed important to make a variety of subjects available to the child, I think that is almost impossible to avoid. This is the age of information. Children are surrounded by information of all kinds, through conversations, books, television, films, the Internet, stores, and nature. One day when Jason was five, he asked me about opera. This surprised me, as we had never discussed this topic. I asked what had led to his question, and learned it had been a Disney cartoon! He asked me several questions about types of operas, and we had a brief discussion. In spite of my own lack of interest in this subject, I trusted him to know if and when he would want more information. He knew that our encyclopedia had articles on opera, and that he could find additional information at the library, or from knowledgeable people. (These days, of course, virtually every topic is also covered on the Internet.) While modeling by the parent can be helpful, if the interest the parent shows is not sincere, it will have little value; I would never feign an interest in opera or anything else. Over the years I have often seen him study subjects at great depth despite my own lack of interest, and I trust him to set his own "curriculum" in this way.

A subject either "clicks" with Jason, or it does not - who knows why? Initially, art, astronomy, math, and physics "clicked" strongly; and over the years he has studied other areas as well. What would have been gained by requiring him to study those other areas sooner? The most likely result would have been resentment, frustration, and less interest in that particular area. If I can trust him to know what he needs to learn, and when he needs to learn it, he may some day become interested in the areas he has "missed" so far, and with that kind of inner motivation, he can learn them quickly. Even if he "misses" a subject all his life, there should be little reason for concern. After all, no one is interested in everything, nor is every field of study essential to living a good life.

In some circumstances, we should direct and model important concepts that children may not be ready to learn all by themselves - avoidance of danger, constructive handling of anger, peaceful conflict resolution, compassion for others, and so on. But does Shakespeare really fit into this category? I think not, and besides, what is the rush? There seems to be an unspoken assumption in our society that if a child has not mastered each and every subject by the age of ten, we have failed in our homeschooling. But a child has a lifetime to learn whatever interests him as an adult; homeschooling advocate John Holt demonstrated this beautifully, when he learned to play the cello in his 50's.

Children are very adept at hearing our hidden messages. Regardless of how carefully we phrase it, when we tell a child that a certain activity is required, we imply that it must be so unpleasant or difficult that he would never want to do it on his own; otherwise, why are we going to the trouble of requiring it? No one has ever required a child to eat ice cream!

Another problem with requiring a child to do something is that it implies potential punishment. If the child refuses, then what happens? If we require a certain activity, and the child is unable or unwilling to comply, then we are forced into the position of either rescinding the requirement or punishing the child (if we do nothing, we weren't really requiring the activity after all). If we punish, then we give many harmful messages to the child. As Susannah Sheffer, Editor of the homeschooling newsletter Growing Without Schooling once suggested, using force to further learning is a mistake because "it is discourteous and probably won't work anyway, and the risks of doing it are so great." Perhaps one answer to the question, "When does guidance become manipulation?" is "when it becomes threatening".

The goal of homeschooling is to help a child learn how to learn. At the same time, we should not dictate what that learning must be, or when it must take place. As John Holt so often reminded us, the simple truth is that we can and should trust children.
 
Originally published in Growing Without Schooling, issue 75, page 4

To read more by Jan Hunt, click here.

Still Thinking...
good books

From Peace Is Every Step, by Thich Nhat Hanh

Conscious Breathing

There are a number of breathing techniques you can use to make life vivid and more enjoyable. The first exercise is very simple. As you breathe in, you say to yourself, "Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in." And as you breathe out, say, "Breathing out, I know that I am breathing out." Just that. You recognize your in-breath as an in-breath and your out-breath as an out-breath. You don't even need to recite the whole sentence; you can use just two words: "In" and "Out." This technique can help you keep your mind on your breath. As you practice, your breath will become peaceful and gentle, and your mind and body will also become peaceful and gentle. This is not a difficult exercise. In just a few minutes you can realize the fruit of meditation.

Breathing in and out is very important, and it is enjoyable. Our breathing is the link between our body and our mind. Sometimes our mind is thinking of one thing and our body is doing another, and mind and body are not unified. By concentrating on our breathing, "In" and "Out," we bring body and mind back together, and become whole again. Conscious breathing is an important bridge.

To me, breathing is a joy that I cannot miss. Every day, I practice conscious breathing, and in my small meditation room, I have calligraphed this sentence: "Breathe, you are alive!" Just breathing and smiling can make us very happy, because when we breathe consciously we recover ourselves completely and encounter life in the present moment.
 

News

Fantastic New Book
We are so pleased to host the promotion page for Katie Allison Granju's upcoming book, Attachment Parenting - Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child, with an introduction by William Sears (and co-written by Betsy Kennedy, RN, MSN).   Click here to see her page, the beautiful cover of her book, some excerpts, and instructions for subscribing to her Attachment Parenting email discussion list.  In the future you will be able to find Katie at www.attachmentparent.com.

New newsletter name
Growing All the Time is now known as Growing All the Time. We felt it better suited the content of the newsletter. (Thanks for your patience while we make the transition - the old name is still being used in some places on our site)

More fabrics posted for slings
The selection of fabrics for slings has always been very large, but we now have even more posted for you to see. If you have a baby shower gift coming up, are expecting your own new baby, or just need a second sling to keep in the car, now might be the time to check out your options. Click to see our sling page.
 

Specials for February 

Baby and Toddler Won't-Kick-Off Booties - Clearance Sale - two pair (you mix and match size and color) $7
 
Bravado Bras - all sizes and fabrics - $27
 
Nursing Memories Journals $18.99 (regularly $24)   

I am a bit pensive about coaching him. On the one hand soccer, or Footy as
my British born co-coach calls it, has been my favorite sport since I was 4
years old. On the other hand, I am nervous about addressing the whole issue
of competition. I know intellectually that "it's not who wins, but how you
play the game" that counts. It's just that I don't always feel that way. To
me, sometimes, it's who wins. Winning is more fun. So, when my dad used to
say, as our coach, "just go out there and have fun!" I took it to mean,
just go out there and WIN!

I play on a soccer team now (sponsored by Hap's Irish Pub, thank you) and I
actually do have a great deal of fun whether we win or lose - so long as I
didn't bungle anything too terribly bad, like the time I scored an Own
Goal. But, when I was little and just starting out, winning was desperately
important and often the sole pivot upon which I balanced my enjoyment of
the entire day.

I see a lot of those same feelings in my son now. I want to coach him and I
want him to have the full experience of playing the greatest sport ever
invented. I want him to experience the work of a team and how camaraderie
is forged out of a common goal. I just don't want to see him crushed under
the youthful expectations of perfection and winning.

On the other, other hand, I don't want to lambaste competition, either. I
believe that competition can and does, in the right context and with a
clear mind, brings out the best in us - encourages us to perform beyond our
expectations and fires our egos in positive ways.

I was also a competitive swimmer when I was growing up. One of the
remarkable things about swimming is that more often than not, the swimmer's
competition is himself. It's almost always a race to best one's own record.
Only at the end of the season at league championships do the other swimmers
matter as competition.

I will try to focus my son and his teammates on the inner competition that
soccer offers to us. Ultimately, I think competition is a good thing. The
key is to understand with whom and for what we are competing. In soccer,
like life, we are competing with ourselves, to do better than we had
before. And for what? Well, if we are mindful, we can understand that we
are competing for our dignity and our sense of worth. We try as hard as we
can, and pour our hearts into our endeavors to show ourselves that we can
give ourselves to something completely. The reward is in the knowledge of
our true effort, not in the outcome of that effort. I guess it is, after
all, how you play the game that counts most.

Activism in a minute

 
INFACT

Forty-six states played into the hands of the tobacco industry this week by signing on to the deal designed by Philip Morris, RJR Nabisco and other major tobacco corporations. The tobacco industry demanded that states be given only five days to consider and sign the deal, concocted in secret without public input. Urgently pursuing a settlement before Congress convenes, Big Tobacco pitted states against one another in a fight for immediate financial and political rewards.

Join INFACT's Tobacco Industry Boycott
Send a message to Philip Morris:

STOP MARKETING TOBACCO TO KIDS!

Click here to be active!

The DK Letter Page
Great books and software for children and adults...

February Specials!

1. The best DK Book news this month is that we will now have available any book published by DK.

2. The second best news is that shipping and handling charges are GONE.

3. The third best news is that there is no longer a minimum order.

This means that you can have any DK book(s) it delivered to your door at a 15% discount, without paying shipping.

Also...
January was a pretty amazing month for DKFL specials, and they have all been extended to February 14th!

The books that are marked down include children's and adults' titles covering topics such as:

Yoga, Tai Chi, World Religion, Egyptians, Ocean Life, Knights and Castles, Ancient Civilizations, Rocks and Fossils, Bird feeders, Flower Gardening, Homeopathy, Inventions, Geography, Cooking, Baking, World History, Nature Experiments, Weather, Seasons, Family Life, Disabilities, Pregnancy and Birth, Spanish language, Music, Vacation Activities, Games, Outdoor Activities, Prayer, Art, Insects, Earth Science, Plants, Robots, Machines, Animals as well as atlases, dictionaries and encyclopedias.

As usual, DKFL doesn't allow us to post book and software titles on my web page, but we can send you an email of the specials, including exact titles, sale prices.  If you would like us to do that, send an email with "DK-February" in the subject line and we will send it off to you.  If you would like to receive the specials by email every month, sign up below.

If you have considered hosting a DK Book Look, now is the time...

Until February 14th, you will receive a 30% Host Award!  For example, if the guests of your party order $300 in books, you get to choose $90 worth of books FREE.  After the 14th, the host award is 20%

DK Book Looks can also be held as fundraisers for your child's preschool, your La Leche League group, or anything organization in need of extra funds.

Ask me about long-distance book looks if you would like to earn free books and software and don't live near Cincinnati.

Site Seeing
sites we like...

  The Little Boy and His Boob Story - A collection of prose and poetry by the mother of a baby boy, written using the "voice" of the baby. It is very endearing and quite funny for anyone who has ever nursed a baby. Enjoy!

  Little Bear is a very gentle cartoon about a little bear and his parents and friends. The parenting shown is quite loving and appealing, and the stories never get very intense. Unfortunately, it is on cable, but if you can get Nickelodeon you can see the show. Either way, the site should be a nice place to explore with the children.

  McSpotlight on the Baby Milk Industry - "I saw mother after mother in the paediatric wards, head in hands, crying beside the cribs where their babies lay, malnourished, dehydrated, sick from Bottle Baby Disease. It doesn't need to happen. A decade ago we knew the truth about irresponsible marketing of infant formula. Allowing the companies to continue these practices is an inexcusable outrage of humanity, if not outright criminality."
Janice Mantell, Action for Corporate Accountability (USA)
 

Buy, Sell, & Barter
goods ‘n’ services
 
Jodi Harris - Cincinnati - 513-731-7013
Offerings
Knitting and other craft work instruction
Wishes
Roto-tiller
Internet instruction

Rose Vanden-Eynden - Cincinnati - 513-956-7827
Offerings
Licensed Massage Therapy
Energy and Spiritual Healing
Intuitive readings and psychic consultations
Classes in mediumship development
Wishes
Astrological charts and interpretations for the family
Custom picture framing
Wallpapering and house painting services
Bean/water table for children
Train table for children

Melissa Fannen, Cincinnati – 531-3009
Offerings
Nutrition consulting
Wishes
Toys made from natural materials, new & used

The Robeson-Jacobsen Family, Cincinnati – (513) 792-0144
Offerings
Healthy homemade bread and other baked goods
Graphic design services (bus. cards, brochures, etc)
Puppet shows for birthday parties
Organic produce
Wishes
Red checked picnic table cloth
Beeswax candles
Haircuts
Used clothing–adults and children

The Scott Family, Cincinnati – (513) 631-2694
Offerings
Gymnastics instruction
Internet training
Proofreading
wooden toys and furniture (play kitchens, etc)
book: Heart of a Woman by Maya Angelou NEW
book: Spiritual Family NEW
slings
kidslings
General computer help
A deck of cards, "52 Ways to Simplify Your Life"
Many children's paperback and boardbooks
Resume consulting
Web page creation NEW
Cool mist humidifier NEW
Wishes
Car repairs and maintenance
Some different children's paperback and board books for the car
Modern dance lessons for children
Used Lego and Playmobil
Steam humidifier (hot) NEW